The Soviet Union is Winning the Cold War!

What’s that you say? You thought the cold war ended with the dissolution of the soviet war? The Cold War was not fought so much with guns but with information. One of the Soviets greatest tactics was the use of disinformation, which is intentionally false information that is liberally circulated. They would spread so much disinformation that it became next to impossible for the U.S. intelligence agencies to sift through it all to find the true information.

But how is the Soviet Union winning the cold war if it doesn’t even exist you ask? Well, I answer your question with another question. What would be the best way to be able to make the U.S. move on and forget about the Soviet Union’s mission to destroy Capitalism? Convince the American government that the Soviet Union doesn’t exist. I’m no conspiracy-theorist by any means, but I would like to discuss a possibility…

Operation Kholstomer was a Soviet planned maneuver to cause the U.S. citizens to beg for communism. The plan involved creating an immense panic in the U.S. Financial Systems that would result in the mass decline of the dollar, the bond (credit) markets freezing and crashing, the Dow plummeting, and people selling off their investments and buying gold (commodities). This economic crash would result in a
deep recession where unemployment would rise to unseen levels. Then the people would demand communism because the true flawed nature of capitalism and democracy would be shown.*

You may have never heard of such an operation, because it was never truly put into effect… until today. With the current economic crisis, people are clamoring for ‘MORE GOVERNMENT’ and blaming capitalism or as they call it “free markets” for the cause of this crisis. The American people are reacting exactly as was planned in Operation Kholstomer. Although you don’t hear anyone saying, “We want communism/socialism” We are basically demanding for the characteristics of such a socioeconomic structure. Let’s look further into this. What makes communism/socialism? The establishment of equalism, a classless society, and state ownership.




EQUALISM is a political doctrine that holds that all people should be treated as equals and have the same political, economic, social, and civil rights. This same doctrine is at the heart of Democracy as well (i.e. ’inalienable rights endowed by their creator’**). I believe this is a quality that is required to make a successful society. If people cannot progress there will be no motivation.

CLASSLESS SOCIETY - refers to a society which lacks social class - distinctions of wealth, income, education, culture, or social network. If you tax the rich and take away their bonuses and do the opposite to the poor you essential create equalism. One of the major characteristics of Communist Russia was the equal pay rate for workers.

Are we there? No. Heading in that direction? Yes. Is this a bad thing? Let me once again answer that question with a question of my own. Let’s take a hypothetical situation. You make widgets and receive $100 a day for your work. You have to produce a minimum of 5 Widgets to get paid and there is no incentive for producing more. If you were totally capable of producing 20 widgets in a day, would you make more than 5? I bet you wouldn’t and if you would 99% of the population wouldn’t.

Let’s take this further… Let’s apply this to the U.S. We’ll round the population to 300 Million and we’ll say that the average person is capable of completing 6 widgets in a day. The People are only being paid for 5 widgets when they are capable of producing one more widget per day… The U.S. would be loosing on a daily basis $6 Billion of sellable widgets. That’s not even taking into consideration the markup from labor costs, plus any materials markup. On a yearly basis that would $1.5 Trillion. You may contest,” but not everyone works to their full potential now!” True… but if you were offered an extra $20 for every extra widget produced per day ,wouldn’t the majority of people do it? Yes! This is a very simplified example, but very real example of the consequences of a Classless society…

STATE OWNERSHIP - A simple example is the current recovery plan… where the government is taking ownership in companies in exchange for TARP money. Another example is the Federal Housing Recovery Act, under this act the Federal Government is taking over part of the mortgage that they can’t afford… Ignoring the stupidity of this, it means that the Government will own a portion of millions of American homes.

CONCLUSION

By no means are we communists, but we are getting closer than we may think. If our founding fathers were to see where we are and what we’ve become I could only imagine their disgust. In the youthful days of Soviet Communism, it was viewed as the hope of the nation. Everyone was to be equal and it was to be the future! As history tells us… forced financial equality and government control results in government oppression and lost productivity. If you take away the money from the rich and give it to the poor… you take away the motivation for productivity and hard ward. As much as we pretend it isn’t the case, money is the motivating factor that makes us work. If there is no opportunity to further ourselves financially, our countries output with diminish and fall apart…

*Trahair, Richard C. ‘Encyclopedia of Cold War Espionage, Spies and Secret Operations’ , 2004, P.224-6
** The U.S. Consititution

Sleep Now In the Fire

Winston Churchill once said, “Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those others that have been tried.” I am not un-American by any means; I’m actually very much the opposite. I bleed Red, White and Blue. This election opened my eyes to the realization that our great country is falling apart and its demise is being led by the very government that was the catalyst in its rise to greatness. You may be thinking what is so wrong with our country? The first African-American president was just sworn in and things don’t seem so bad. My proclamation is not that this country has major problems, but that it has outlived its form of government, Democracy. Democracy is dead.

What is wrong with Democracy?

According to the Webster’s dictionary Democracy is defined as, “the doctrine that the numerical majority of an organized group can make decisions binding on the whole group.” When the majority is represented by people like this:

it is easy to understand why democracy is no longer an acceptable form of government. During the creation of this country when Democracy was chosen as the appropriate form of government the average citizen was actively engaged in politics, philosophy, and had altruistic tendencies. In comparison, the average voter today is poorly educated and only cares for himself/herself and when this occurs the fine thread snaps that prevents Democracy from plummeting to its death. Winston Churchill also recognized this when he said, "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."

The Guiding Voice:

What if you were to go to the doctor’s office and to be given your examination and diagnosis by a lady in a wet suit with a sea world logo on her chest? Obviously this is a ridiculous example and you are probably thinking that I am that crazy gentleman featured in the graphic above, but there is rhyme to my reason. After one of the McCain-Obama debates I remember turning on a well respected news channel where a panel of experts had been assembled to analyze the debate. On this panel of experts sat a group of men and women decorated with honors and awards. What astounded me was that the awards and accolades of this prestigious panel were grammys, emmys, golden globes, etc. This panel, chosen to discuss a pivotal political moment, was filled with actors and other celebrities. Seriously?! How is someone who didn’t go to college, has spent the majority of their life disconnected from reality and world affairs going to properly analyze and discuss what is needed in America?!

I would love to have been able to hear Thomas Paine discuss his pamphlet ‘Common Sense’ in the town square or have been present at the Lincoln-Douglas debates and hear the heated moral deliberations that ensued by the politically-charged attendees. Instead I’m forced to get my political enlightenment from a group of menopausal women on daytime television.

It is a sad world we live in where our voters are being educated on the issues by people that clearly have no understanding of what is truly important. I completely understand that the environment is an issue that must be discussed as it pertains to the happiness and well being of our posterity, but what good would a healthy earth do for a posterity that is wiped out! Maybe we should focus on the economy that is in shambles, or a healthcare system that does as much good as 2-legged mule with Parkinson’s (no offense meant towards any 2-legged mules suffering from Parkinson’s, my deepest sympathy goes out to all of you).

What am I really saying:

We are in a situation with the blind leading the blind… also known as Mob rule. We are ruled by a mob of uneducated and selfish people that will never be satisfied. The leaders who are elected by this mob continue to feed the fire of demise that is engulfing my beloved country by bending to the insatiable conflicting banter from the mob that is ever-changing.

What should be done:

I don’t have the perfect answer, but one solution that I present for consideration is a weighted voting system. People with greater education and a higher level of accomplishments (in relation to political sciences or relevant issues) would be given higher weights. For example, people with high IQs and heavily decorated in the education sector’s votes would be weighted much more heavily than someone who has a very low IQ and very little exposure to education.

In order to establish this system a task force will be created to devote the next 5 years to study the system and develop how the weighted system will implemented. After it is effected a watch dog agency will be established to ensure that the system benefits the greatest amount of people and that it is constantly being updated and improved, it will essentially be a watchdog agency to protect this country from turning into a upper-class benefitting Oligarchy. If we don’t change now we will only destroy ourselves.

“There is no other pill to take So swallow the one That made you ill”

Don't Look Directly Into the Camera

Get a load of this, did you know that plants, in all actuality, are every color except green. Did you know that? It's a fact. I'm not Mr. Wizard but I do know that plants live by absorbing light from the sun, this is called photosynthesis. Light, much like the color white, contains every color imaginable, that's why you can see rainbows on your wall when you are checking out all the cool geodes you got for Christmas. Anyways, back to plants and the color green. Plants absorb light from the sun (getting every color imaginable like I said before) in order to survive. But did you know that in the hierarchy of colors and their "nutritious value" green is right there at the bottom, kind of like the pure Crisco of the color food pyramid. Now, I'm no dietologist, but I know some sound items of logic when it comes to what I put in my mouth, and Crisco does not enter without being escorted in with some cool cookie or something. Plants feel the same way about the color green. So, instead of inhaling the color green they spew it out like we would a nugget of Crisco. It is actually this spewing out the color green that makes them appear green to us. Surprise!

You might be asking, "What does this have to do with anything?". There is a purpose to this. And here it is. TV is my sun if I were a plant and the TV show "The Office" is my color green. That's right, THE OFFICE!... I spew out "The Office". I know I just lost half of the three people actually reading this blog (Kelly, I guess I only lost half of you) but the truth needs to come out. The thing is, I don't reserve this opinion of mine for my blog only, I have looked people in the eye and told them this. I have yet to be punched, but my sense of humor has been brought into question more than once. So, for the sake of the good name of my sense of humor I have written this blog entry to plee my case: Not guilty of being without a sense of humor!

When I tell people to their faces that I don't like "The Office" their first accusation is almost always the same: "But haven't you ever worked for a guy like Michael? That's what makes it so funny!" To answer the question; yes. Yes I have worked for a guy like Michael, but that doesn't make it funny. I quit Crown Books a month and a half into the job because I needed to get away from my "Michael", why would I want to see him on TV? Isn't TV supposed to be an escape? The ultimate escape from our all too realistic lives? Why would I escape from my "Michael" or my "Dwight" or my "Pam" just to watch them on TV? It makes as much sense as white chocolate. Here is a novel idea; if we are going to combine the cool world of TV with our good-as-it-gets life on planet earth why don't we meet a real life Doogie Howser? Imagine all the good that there would be in the world if we all knew a kid like Doogie... trust me on this, there would be a good sugar free candy by now if we all knew a Doogie Howser. I watch TV to meet people that I really would want to meet in real life: G.O.B. Bluth for one. Lets just put it out there plainly, I would not be a bachelor right now if we all knew a Liz Lemon or an Elaine Benes. TV! Stop mixing real life with TV life! It is either too good to be real, or too real to be funny!

Now that the first accusation has been put to shame, it is time to move onto the second one; "Oh, but it is sooooo funny. Last night Michael blah blah blah then Stanley blah blah blah... it was soooo awkward. I am so jolly right now!". Most people who tell me this do it with their fist half way down their throats. I don't know why people make a fist and stick it in their mouths when they talk about how awesomely awkward "The Office" is, but they do... just ask someone how awkward "The Office" is and they will commence to stick their fist in their mouth and tell you that it is more awkward than getting caught picking your nose and getting a bloody nose for it. Different accusation towards my sense of humor, same answer: I don't watch TV to feel awkward. Period. If I wanted to feel awkward I would bleach the tips of my hair or eat chili all day and jump rope everywhere I go.

Now here is my chance to appeal in the court of who has a refined sense of humor or not. The show is formulaic. It gets the same laughs for the same gaphs everytime. Don't believe me? Alright, lets play a game. The next time you are watching "The Office" you HAVE to change the channel as soon as Jim looks at the camera to get a laugh. Make it fun, create some kind of playoff where all the episodes compete against eachother to get the longest air time on your TV. If you get to the first commercial break on 20% of them then you deserve a gold medal or something.

Are we human, or are we dancer?

While occupying the pirate house many heated/philosophical debates took place regarding a self-serving, delusional world. This world I speak of is not a place of earth and vegetation, but a fictitious realm where people exist outside themselves and live a life of attention-mongering, commonly known as FACEBOOK.

In the Killer’s hit song ‘human’ a question is posed, “Are we human or are we dancer?” exposing the dehumization of the so-called ‘social networking’ vehicle. Millions, if not billions, of people live their lives via this metaphysical portal forgetting that they are even human.

Some members of the fearless trio stood strong on their abhorrence of Facebook and social-networking in general, while one errant soul dabbled in it to gain a better understanding of this intangible communication medium and its benefits, if any exist.

I am that errant soul spoken of and here I present my findings exposing the true nature of this menacing beast. In a survey conducted by the most globally accredited research firm a haunting truth was uncovered about the participants of Facebook

REASON	% of users stated this as their primary reason for using Facebook	Actual % of users primary reason for using Facebook
Keeping in touch with old friends	41.9%	2.4%
Meeting new people with similar interests	38.1%	6.7%
Means of communicating with friends and collegues	13.8%	10.5%
Living a fantasy life	0.9%	12.4%
Researching people (i.e. stalking)	3.0%	33.6%
Attention-getting	2.1%	34.2%
Destruction of the world	0.2%	0.2%

The data is overwhelming. Facebook is being used as a means of attention-mongering, stalking and worst of all living a life of nonhuman, quite possibly as a dancer… If you were to look out your window and constantly seem the same person staring at you and watching you, your reaction would be undoubtedly to call the police, which would lead to the filing of a restraining order. On Facebook (known as FB by its loyal followers) this type of behavior is not only tolerated, but interpreted as flirting and that someone is interested. Would you date the man standing outside your window all day and night watching your every move?

If you were to walk outside your front door and see spray painted on the side of your house the words, “what’s up bud?! Long time no see” would you be happy? Is the message even for you or for your neighbors to see? This kind of activity in the human world would constitute a white jacket that ties behind the back and yet it is the most popular trend on the FB.

Many secret agents after spending a long time undercover forget themselves and become lost in their cover identity. If not stopped soon this same effect will take place all across the world with the millions of FB users and many will be lost forever. This is a grave problem that must be addressed and it has yet to make it on congress’ docket. Please do something before we are lost…

“Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?”

a long time ago, a race of druids...

From the great words of Spinal Tap: "A long time ago, a race of druids, no one knew who they were, or what they were doing...".

In the case of us bloggers here at the pirate house (it used to be a real house but now it just exists here... in the suburbs of the information super highway) we know who we are and where we came from. We used to be roommates at BYU. But it even goes further back than that (brace yourself for this truth bomb I'm about to drop on you), I feel that we had to be born in the same room of the same hospital and at the same time or something, cause we get along splendidly and that is the only logical explanation for it. I'm not saying we are tripplets or anything by any means, but that (now this is a fact) we were born in the same room at the same time but by three different mothers (our own mothers believe it or not). They tell us our birthdays are on seperate days, and that we weren't even born in the same state. They did this because they were concerned that our chemistry and joint comedic timing was so good even though we had just left the womb... we would have made a great peewee three on three basketball team. And that was the fear, that maybe we would do something extraordinary if we all knew the truth.

Now providence has brought us together. We figured that we would put our extraordinary bond into a popular literary format so as to rival Magnum P.I.'s mustache for the most stupendous act of masculinity in this modern era. Don't judge this blog, or our apparent gramatical errors that will no doubt show up in this and subsequent blog entries, because that long gone race of druids that have already been mentioned has read our blog, and they loved it, and that is all that matters really.

ANDY OUT!